You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
