quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
