I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
