She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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