are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
