marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
