the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
