i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
