I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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