I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
