oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
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