My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
