a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
