u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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