shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
