We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
