I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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