Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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