is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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