Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
