the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My cat gives me a boner
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
this will be a night to untag.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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