well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
