so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
