i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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