Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
birth control should be required to get into college
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I need moral support for this bender
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
