she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
