Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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