he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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