i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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