Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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