Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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