i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize