we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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