I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
