Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
