she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
