You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
