STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
