I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
A+ Viking dick
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
