Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
