This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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