I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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