There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
