this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
