Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
