he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
