I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
