U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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