So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
