you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
