Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
