your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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